Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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