Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
