I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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