just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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