Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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