her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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