i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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