Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
