i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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