you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
