You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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