I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
