the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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