i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
