At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
