I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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