I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
