I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
