she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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