i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
