You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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