you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
