I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
