wanna go halves on a baby?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
