honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
