what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
