A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you mean i was at the winter classic?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
