I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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