I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
where am i from again
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
