and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
