so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
