Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
