you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
