Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
