when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
