Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
