Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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