dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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