It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
