like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize