Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
