He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Success! We fucked roommates!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
