if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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