and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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