im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just found a bag of teeth...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
