god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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