he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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