It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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