Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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