I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
