Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
