The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
