a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize