I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
