his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My pussy is not your playground.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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