We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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