i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
