Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
