I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
