it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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