Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
