I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize