How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
