Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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