I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
