PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
