Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
