I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
