ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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