u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
