If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
