I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
