Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize