she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
