i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
