dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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