remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
