I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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