Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
