She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
