Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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