i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
