Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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