Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
