Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
