oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
