well I can't set my house on fire every night
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize