I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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