You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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