are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
