I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
