I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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