i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
