I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
