Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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