Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
