He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
