I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
