a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we made out on top of his cat.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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