I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
