D3 body, D1 cock
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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