And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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