True but thats because hes a fetus.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize