im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
