i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
