Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
