She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
