Swine flu. Run for my life!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
